Ummm so yep. It's been a while since an update. I still have that draft of The Cancer Fright Part 3. That is not this.
I just listened to the latest This American Life, Ghost In the Machine (https://www.thisamericanlife.org/757/the-ghost-in-the-machine).
The first Act was about training an AI to write a story about the loss of a sister....
...but.... it was more about "can an AI learn to write about loss". Loss....
It got me thinking about my loss. Yes it was years ago, but it's still always forefront in my mind. You want to think I didn't lose anything, but a ball. But I loss my autonomy, my body wanted to kill me, and I can never forget that. I loss a part of me, and the other part could possibly betray me at any time. I lost some of me, the chemo can possibly cause more cancer down the line, and we can't know until it hits.
But further... it got me thinking about my loss. All the time, you hear about cancer survivors going out into activism, bringing notice and exposure. Becoming a huge person to bring notice and cancer funding. ...
And what have I done?!
....
I'm not going to go start a non-profit, I'm not going to start huge fund raisers. I'm not one to make a splash.
.....
and now we get dark.... I'm not even one of those that made huge changes to their life. I'm the same as before. I feel like I should have been "OMG I survived, I need to do something!", but I'm not. I survived, and I just went back to life as usual. A part of me feels guilty for not feeling "so incredibly thankful" to have survived, like all the Instagram and Twitter posts make you think you should feel. I'm not taking my survival to the masses to promote screening or testing, I'm not in the spotlight. I don't want to be.
I guess, my only thing after surviving, is just being here for my family. The News won't ever hear of me, I'm not raising hundreds of thousands of dollars for research. I'll donate what I can for research funding, and ask others on a tiny FB donation campaign.
But if you read this, and if you have any type of cancer..... I guess just know this. You don't have to survive and become some huge advocate. Just survive, and love those that love you.
I love you for having survived.
And I love those that haven't.
