Diagnosis: part one

I'm going to be frank with terminology in this series. So if you can't handle talk about balls, dicks, and scrotums, move on. I broke a plate the other night. I got too drunk, ended up telling off my brother (he deserved it, for blocking me because i called him out on his slight misunderstanding about GoT, he was wrong, I said so, and so now he hates me, don't bother trying to figure that out), and went to do dishes to try to ignore what is going on. It's what I do, try to ignore what is going on. More on this later. So here we go.... About 6 months ago (summer), I noticed one of my balls was growing. Some men might think "Awesome, big balls!", but it was getting uncomfortable. I ignored it, hoped it would go away. It didn't. Early November, we (my wife, I hate talking on the phone) made an appointment to get my super-ball checked out. You would think something like this they would get in as soon as they could. Nope, the appointment was nearly two months out. By then, the growth had seemed to stop. So I figured I could wait for the appointment. And then, the past few weeks, I notice that, maybe in the past month, it's growing again. My own little Alien (TM), but instead of my belly, it's going to burst out of my balls. They, or it, is still getting more uncomfortable between my nethers. Then it gets cold. My scrotum contracts, holding everything closer, and I end up sitting on my tenders (+1 fake internet points if you get this reference). It's happened before, kids accidentally (or not) kicking their legs etc. But this pain didn't go away. I sat on the boys midday, and the next morning it still hurt. So, already having an appointment to look at my super-ball (the appointment was 9 days away), and an 8 level pain after sitting on things, I go to Urgent Care. I pee in a cup, and all that those tests can find is okay. The nurse practitioner, thankfully a male, asks to take a look. Get ready, here is the fun (not as much fun as the next post). I drop my pants, and he says "um". My ball is about the size of a baseball. Stop. Imagine. Yes, a baseball. He wastes no time in immediately saying I need to go to the ER. At least to get tests run, and maybe, hopefully to save the testicle. So he calls the ER where I'll be going, gives them some details. And then we have our part two (part two here is the same day).