Diagnosis: Part three

So the blood tests.... I was told the tests would take more than a week. I planned to take my wife to hear the results of the tests. Turns out, the blood tests came back in less than a day. So there I am, alone, getting the news that as the doc says it's "most definitely" testicular cancer. Me there, alone, cancer. Me, alone, cancer. Me, cancer. This is not easy. I expected this word. But it's not easy to hear this without her. But I hear it, I try to still live to tell her. That word wants to kill me, without her. I get home and tell her, and she cries. I tell her it has a 90+% survival rating. She still cries. I cant cry. She tells her family, and she cries each time. She cries. I can't cry. She has too much. I won't cry. So... small odds I won't get through this. My kids will always know I love them. My wife will always know she is all my world. But I'm sitting here wondering.... what if....? And I'm scared... I'm Scared This is not an easy place to be, and it's not a place that anyone I've known to be in. I'm scared, for my kids most of all .... these were my initial posts. I'll link my wife to also post here. She has her justified feelings to post here. And on the hopefully small chance I can't get back here, she can post my legacy. Good gods this is hard.